If your baby falls asleep beautifully in your arms…

…only to wake the second you put them in their cot…

Firstly, take a deep breath.

You’re certainly not alone.

In fact, it’s one of the most common concerns I hear from exhausted parents.

After helping thousands of families over the past 26 years, I’ve learnt that babies don’t usually “hate” their cot.

They’re simply trying to tell us something.

The trick is working out what.

Before you start buying another mattress, another swaddle, another white noise machine or another sleep sack, let’s look at the real reasons your baby may be refusing their cot.

Once you understand the “why”, finding the right solution becomes much easier.

Is It Normal for Babies to Hate the Cot?

Absolutely.

Especially during the newborn months.

Think about where your baby has spent the last nine months.

They’ve been warm.

Snug.

Constantly moving.

Listening to your heartbeat.

Hearing your voice.

Never alone.

Now imagine suddenly being placed on a flat mattress in a quiet room.

It’s a huge adjustment.

Some babies adapt quickly.

Others need a little more support.

That doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong.

Jennifer’s Tip

One of the biggest myths I hear is:

“My baby just hates the cot.”

I’ve honestly never met a baby who genuinely hated their cot.

What I usually find is that they dislike how they’re getting into the cot, or they’re relying on something else to fall asleep first.

They’re two very different problems.

The 10 Most Common Reasons Your Baby Won’t Sleep in Their Cot

1. They Fall Asleep Somewhere Else

This is probably the biggest reason.

If your baby falls asleep feeding, rocking, bouncing, or being cuddled, then suddenly wakes in a completely different place, it can feel confusing.

Imagine falling asleep on your lounge watching TV.

You wake a few hours later…

…and somehow you’re now in the spare bedroom.

You’d probably wake fully too.

Babies are no different.

As they naturally move between sleep cycles, they notice their surroundings have changed.

Their first instinct is often to call for the person who helped them fall asleep.

2. They’re Overtired

This is one of the biggest causes of cot battles.

An overtired baby often:

• cries harder
• fights sleep
• arches their back
• seems impossible to settle
• wakes shortly after being put down

One thing I encourage parents to remember is that overtired doesn’t always mean “awake too long”.

Sometimes babies become mentally overstimulated.

A busy day.

Visitors.

Shopping centres.

Travel.

Noise.

New experiences.

All of these can make it harder for some babies to settle.

3. They’re Simply Not Tired Yet

This is where I differ from many traditional sleep consultants.

I don’t follow rigid wake windows.

Every baby is different.

Some babies need longer awake periods.

Some need shorter.

Instead of watching the clock, I encourage parents to learn their baby’s individual sleep cues.

Yawning.

Staring into space.

Losing interest.

Slower movements.

These often tell us far more than the time on the clock.

4. They Prefer Contact Sleeping

Your baby isn’t trying to manipulate you.

They’re doing what biology has taught them.

For thousands of years, sleeping close to a caregiver meant safety.

Being held is familiar.

It’s warm.

It smells like Mum or Dad.

It moves.

A cot doesn’t.

If your baby prefers contact naps, it doesn’t mean you’ve created bad habits.

It simply means we may need to gently teach them that the cot is a safe place to sleep too.

Jennifer’s Tip

I never recommend suddenly taking away every comfort your baby has ever known.

Instead, I like making small, gentle changes that build confidence over time.

Tiny improvements often create lasting results.

Read more about Jennifer here.

5. The Room Feels Different

Sometimes the answer is surprisingly simple.

Ask yourself:

• Is the room too hot?
• Too cold?
• Too bright?
• Too noisy?
• Too quiet?
• Is there consistent white noise?
• Could daylight be waking them?

Small environmental changes can make a big difference.

6. Hunger

Particularly in younger babies, hunger is still one of the most common reasons they won’t settle.

Rather than automatically feeding every cry, try looking at the bigger picture.

Did they feed well?

Were they distracted?

Have they recently dropped a feed?

Could they genuinely still be hungry?

7. Reflux or Wind

Some babies become uncomfortable lying flat.

If your baby seems distressed every time they’re placed down, especially after feeds, reflux may be worth discussing with your GP or child health nurse.

8. They’re Going Through a Developmental Leap

Learning new skills often disrupts sleep.

Rolling.

Sitting.

Crawling.

Standing.

Walking.

Talking.

Sleep may temporarily become unsettled during these exciting stages.

The reassuring news is that these phases usually pass.

9. Your Baby Has Started Expecting Help Back to Sleep

This doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong.

In fact, you’ve probably been doing exactly what every loving parent does.

Helping your baby settle.

The challenge comes if your baby becomes completely reliant on that help every single time they wake.

Remember…

Waking overnight is normal.

Needing the exact same assistance every single time doesn’t always have to be.

10. They’re Simply Going Through a Phase

Sometimes babies just have difficult weeks.

Growth spurts.

Teething.

Illness.

Travel.

Visitors.

Vaccinations.

Development.

It doesn’t always mean your baby has forgotten how to sleep.

Sometimes they simply need a little extra support before settling back into their usual rhythm.

What I Wouldn’t Do

When parents become exhausted, it’s tempting to keep changing everything.

A new swaddle.

A new dummy.

A new mattress.

A new bedtime.

A new routine.

Instead…

Pick one approach.

Give it time.

Stay consistent.

Babies thrive on predictability.

Common Mistakes I See

• Expecting change overnight.
• Watching the clock instead of their baby.
• Assuming every cry means hunger.
• Constantly changing routines.
• Comparing their baby to someone else’s.

Every baby writes their own sleep story.

Try not to compare chapters.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why does my baby wake as soon as I put them in the cot?

This often happens because they fell asleep in your arms and noticed the change in environment when transitioning between sleep cycles.

Why does my baby only sleep when held?

Being close to a caregiver is biologically normal. Many babies simply need gentle support to become comfortable sleeping in their own cot.

Should I keep trying the cot?

Yes – but avoid making every attempt a battle. Sometimes taking a short break, resetting and trying again leads to better results than persisting when everyone is becoming overwhelmed.

Is it OK to let my baby nap on me?

Absolutely. Contact naps can be a wonderful way to meet your baby’s need for closeness. If your long-term goal is independent sleep, you can gradually introduce more cot naps over time.

Does my baby need sleep training?

Possibly!

The first step is understanding why your baby won’t sleep in the cot. Sometimes simple adjustments to feeding, routines, or sleep associations are all that’s needed.

Final Thoughts

If your baby won’t sleep in their cot, remember this…

They’re not trying to make life difficult.

They’re communicating.

Your job isn’t to fight your baby.

It’s to understand them.

After helping families around the world for more than 26 years, I’ve learnt that the biggest breakthroughs don’t come from forcing babies to sleep.

They come from understanding why they’re struggling in the first place.

Once you understand the reason, helping your baby sleep in their cot becomes so much easier.